Woeful Wonders

05/12/09

Sometimes I don't know where I'm going to go for my break.
Sometimes I don't know whether to step back or go forward.

Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing in life.

I walk around, living life, waking up, going to work, going to sleep.  Then repeat.  Living the same thing day in and day out.  I feel like yes I do live my life.  I get out.  I have fun.  But then I realize how many hours I spend doing other things like seem pointless, like going to school, like working, like stressing out over dumb shit.  Stressing out over when he's going to text me.  Stressing out over the weird noises that my car makes.  Stressing out over when I'm going to study for my next exam.  Why do people do all these things?  Why do we live our lives daily in preparation for the future?  What's the future going to bring for me?  When I'm old I'm going to revert back to my infant days, where I have to be taken care of.  Where I have to be treated differently.  I don't want these things.  I don't know what I want.

Do you ever wake up and say to yourself, "What's the point in getting out of bed?"  Do you ever ask yourself this daily?  But then there are days when I wake up an hour before my alarm is due to go off, and I basically hop out of bed because I'm ready to get started.

Stress is terribly overrated.  There's no point in being stressed.  There's no point in being pissed or mad or sad.  Why be sad that someone couldn't come over?  What happens happens.  You can't stop it; I can't stop it.  I'm sick of all these depressing emotions from everyone around me.  I just want to be happy.  I want you to make me happy.  Sometimes I feel like no one could make me happy.  Everyone has flaws.  You don't have to learn to love those flaws; you just have to get over yourself and stop caring about each imperfection in a person, even if it is nagging at you every single day.  If you don't like how someone is, if you can't accept someone, don't associate with them.  Easy as that.

I don't want to be surrounded by misery.  I won't be your company.  If you're in my life then bring something that doesn't make me wanna commit suicide on your head. HA!